Rushing

Work has been crazy lately: Hundreds of xmas cards to deliver and the amount of packets that we're getting is unbelievable. Everybody's rushing around, losing their temper and taking it all too seriously. Just before leaving the office yesterday I went into the toilets and another postie was stood having a leak. He turned to me and said, 'What's the rush, eh? It's not good for you to rush. It'll catch up with you in the long-run.'

'It will, mate, yeah,' I said, and went into a cubicle and locked the door behind me.

I got my pen out and wrote 'What's the rush?' on the wall.

This morning I went into the same cubicle and someone had changed the word rush for the word rash.

Classy.

Barfing Mad

It's funny; I've just finished reading a book on Zen and the author said she would like to see how I (the reader) would react the next time there's a challenging situation. At the time of reading it I was on a Zen high so I thought yeah, no problem.

Then today happened.

I was having a crappy day at work - crap as in loads of weight to carry on icy roads and footpaths, and I can't seem to turn my neck for some reason - got a problem with a gland I think.

So I get home an hour later than usual. I'm hungry and tired. All I want to do is let the dog out for a wee, feed her and the cat, feed myself and sit and chill for a bit.

But what I find when I get home is that the dog has done a poo in the kitchen, eaten it, and is now looking sorry for herself because she feels like crap. I clean up the left-overs on the kitchen floor, wash my hands and start thinking what I can have for lunch.

Then the dog is sick (not just a little bit - we're talking a puddle of the stuff!) in her basket covering her tail and one of her paws.

I rush into her and tell her to 'STAY' as I go and get some kitchen roll. I turn around and she has headed towards the backdoor, trailing sick all across the livingroom carpet.

Not happy.

I go around trying to find where the sick is. I clean it up with cloths and more kitchen roll. I spray the carpet with carpet cleaner and get on my hands and knees and start scrubbing. 

Then she's sick again!

'What the &%^£!?'

So I go and clean that bit, too. 

Then my girlfriend sends me a text asking if it's OK for me to pick her up from the trainstation in 20mins. 'Yeah sure'.

I clean up the mess, put the dogs bedding in the wash, along with the dozens of cloths I've used - - - - - - and she's sick again!!

'You've got to be freaking kidding me!'

Then she's sick again!!!

Proper projectile vomming!

Not happy.

I lost my temper at the dog for hurling on the carpet because I told her to go on the cheap rug in the doorway (as if she would understand what I'm saying). 

The dog had hurled seven times in total.

I totally lost the plot.

I allowed the situation to get a hold of me and rip me to shreds.

I got the dog in my car and we set off to go to the trainstation - I forgot to clean her tail and paw so my car stunk of vomit.

I started to replay the whole scene over and over again in my head but from an observer's point of view.

Boy, did I look stupid.

The situation was as it was.

It was fine as it was.

Perfect, really.

My little self (as opposed to my Self) crept in and stole the limelight.

What it was saying was,

'This is not fair!'

'This isn't the way I wanted to spend my afternoon!'

'I shouldn't have to clean sick up!'

'I'm hungry!'

'I've had a crap day as it is, all I want to do is sit and chill.'

Basically it was showing complete resistance to what already was.

What a complete waste of energy!

Foolish.

In hindsight (Oh sweet, old hindsight) I can see that it was all part of my practice.

If I had have just dealt with the situation head-on, stuck to the facts, and done what needed to be done in the moment then the whole escapade would have gone a lot more smoothly.

Self observation is key.

Everything Just Is As It Is

I started off today moaning. Moaning at what already was. I was in a mode of complete resistance. And what was I resisting? The fact that I had to work in the snow! I really didn't want to do it. Why? Because I thought that I shouldn't have to work in the snow.

Silly ego.

It was only until I started my walk - which, by the way, weighed a tonne - that it occurred to me how perfect everything was. 

I started to be aware of the present moment. 

Everything just was as it was.

Resistance would only cause suffering - as it always does.

I started to notice individual snowflakes, watching them fall at their own pace and land in their perfect spot.

I noticed and felt the icy wind against my face and the numbness of my fingers.

I listened to the birds and they never gave up their song.

I looked up at one point and noticed a V of geese flying overhead. I could hear them; they all seemed to be celebrating.

Everything was as it was - everything is as it is.

Everyday I try remind myself of this.

The Song of a Bird

Last year I can remember walking down a country road with my girlfriend.

'Isn't that amazing', I said stopping and looking up at a tree.

She stopped, looked up and agreed.

A car slowly drove passed and a head stuck out of the passenger window and shouted, 'It's a tree!!!'

It was hilarious.

The thing is, though, it wasn't a tree. It was a tree if we're clinging to labels, but what if we take the label away? You've got something unknowable. Something beautiful. A miracle. 

I like this story taken from Anthony De Mello's The Song of a Bird:

THE DISCIPLE WAS ALWAYS COMPLAINING TO HIS MASTER, "YOU ARE HIDING THE FINAL SECRET OF ZEN FROM ME." AND HE WOULD NOT ACCEPT THE MASTER'S DENIALS.

ONE DAY THEY WERE WALKING IN THE HILLS WHEN THEY HEARD A BIRD SING.

"DID YOU HEAR THAT BIRD SING?" SAID THE MASTER.

"YES," SAID THE DISCIPLE.

"WELL, NOW YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE HIDDEN NOTHING FROM YOU."

"YES."

If you really heard the bird sing, if you really saw a tree... you would know. Beyond words and concepts.

What was that you said? You have heard dozens of birds sing and seen hundreds of trees? Ah, was it the tree you saw or the label? If you look at a tree and see a tree, you have really not seen the tree. When you look at a tree and see a miracle-then, at last, you have seen! Did your heart never fill with wordless wonder when you heard a bird in song?

Waving Goodbye

Today when I was on my round I noticed an elderly man waving goodbye to his wife as he left the house. He crossed over the road and carried on looking over his shoulder, waving to her as she stood at the living room window.

We were just about to cross paths when I said, "I thought she was waving to me then, mate. I was going to wave back."

He laughed and said, "You have to say goodbye when you leave the house, you never know if you're going to come back."

He carried on walking down the street and didn't stop waving until his wife was out of sight.

Nice, I thought.

What a Brick?

Whilst delivering post today I was approached by a small elderly lady who kindly asked me if I had any mail for her. I fumbled around with the bundle of mail which was in my hand and pulled out one letter for her. I gave it to her and she took one look at it and said:

'Oh shit a brick!'

Sorry old lady.

Old Indian Man

I deliver to a main road in Huddersfield called Bradley Road, and have done for the passed five years. One day last year I was walking back to my car after doing my post round. I can remember feeling fed up because it had been a bad day and I was running late.

So, I'm walking back to my car up Bradley Road and I see an old Indian man sat on a low wall at the side of the road. He is sat motionless. I get closer and realise that he's meditating. I couldn't believe it. I started to shake with excitement and shock. There was a man on Bradley Road meditating with cars, trucks, motorbikes whizzing passed him!! This was something you don't see everyday. I didn't say anything as I walked passed him, I didn't want to disturb him.

I got back to my car and sat there for about 30 seconds before a voice in my head said, "Go and ask him what he's doing." I hesitated but the voice carried on. I started my car up and I went and parked next to him. I got out of the car and said, "Excuse me, what are you doing?"

His eyes were open the entire time but fixed on a position somewhere on the floor. His hands were resting on his knees and his thumbs were touching his middle fingers. His walking stick was resting beside him on the wall. He glanced up at me and smiled - a huge cheeky child-like smile. "I'm meditating," he said in a strong Indian accent. I was speechless and just laughed.

"Where are you from?" I asked.

"I'm from India," he said.

"How long have you been meditating for?"

"About 15 years. I meditate as much as I can, all my spare time I meditate."

Then the roles changed and he started to ask me questions.

"Are you Christian?" he asked.

"No," I said.

"When you meditate," he said, "you'll see a light." He pointed to the area in between his eyebrows. "You will hear sounds, too. The more you meditate the more you will realise that God is within. You are God. People look outside for God but God is within."

All I could do was smile and nod my head.

"Are you religious?" he asked.

Now, at this point I said yes, but what I meant was I was spiritual not religious, but it felt easier just to say yes.

He pointed to my body. "Your body is a temple. Your body is God's temple. You are God and the more you meditate you will see that everyone else is God too and we are all one."

Although I've read these words before and even come to such conclusions myself, to hear them come from his mouth was something special. He had such a child-like quality to him.

"What are you doing now?" I asked, referring to the type of meditation he was practising.

He then said a word in Punjab that I didn't understand so he said it again. Again, I didn't understand. "Breathing exercises!" he said with enthusiasm.

I shook my head in amazement and said, "Wow, that's just brilliant." (Geeky in hindsight, I know)

I held out my hand for him to shake it, which he did, and then he said, "I'm really happy to see you." He put his hands together like he was praying, he shut his eyes, smiled and bowed his head.

I got back in my car and drove off slowly, gradually trying to make sense out of what just happened.

All this wouldn't have happened if I was 'running on time'.