300 Words a Day - #14 - Wavering Happiness

On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy would you say you are?

I detest that question.

Answer too low and memories of happy times come back in abundance, making us feel we’re being unfair to ourselves and are ungrateful for what has been.

Answer too high and memories of the not-so-happy times rush forward to haunt us, making us feel we’re being unrealistic and inauthentic. 

Over the past 20-30 years there has been an explosion of books, promising us ways to obtain unwavering happiness.

If we read them and still don’t feel happy, then we try another one. If that one fails, we end up thinking something is the matter with us. 

We’re not doing it right.  

We’re not trying hard enough.

But all along the fault exists in the books.

They’re offering us something that doesn’t exist…

Unwavering happiness.

It doesn’t exist - at least in this world of polarities it doesn’t.

I read recently that the Dalai Lama, when asked if he experiences stress, answered that not only does he experience stress, but he also experiences anxiety.

Wavering happiness.

For me - and I know I risk the chance of coming across negative here, but hey, we’re being realistic - for me, happiness stopped being my goal a long time ago.

It’s funny, because many people think I’m a happy person, yet I don’t consider myself a happy person at all.

I consider myself to be content.

Contentment is safer. 

In my eyes it’s more mature. It’s happiness without the clown and the giraffe-shaped balloons.

It’s an inner-knowing that all is well, and when things don’t appear to be going well…

…then the comedown from contentment isn’t that dramatic and you know the climb back to that sweet spot of contentment isn’t that difficult to reach.

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Mindful Children

A few weeks ago I visited Glasgow to watch the showing of the Studio Ghibli film, The Wind Rises.

The weather wasn’t too good, so I decided to grab a seat in the theatre’s cafe and read my book.

I didn't intend on sitting there for two hours, but that’s what happened. I was quite content watching people come and go, in and out of the movie theatre. Some were anticipating the film they were about to see, and others were sharing experiences of the film they had just seen. All the while, I sipped my coffee, read my book and occasionally looked at my watch to make sure I didn't miss the 16:40 showing.

Two elderly women sat down at the table next to me. With them were two boys of about nine years old. Who the women were in relation to the boys, I don’t know.

The boys started to colour in a colouring book whilst the women spoke about wine and the latest results on The Voice.

I drifted off into the world that my book provided me with. All of sudden, they started to talk about (it probably wasn’t all of a sudden at all, but for me this topic of discussion came from nowhere) . . . . meditation and mindfulness.

My eyes were focused on the page in front of me but weren't absorbing anything whatsoever. My ears, on the other hand, were on high alert.

One of the women said, ‘I just can’t do it. My mind won’t calm down. I have too many thoughts – it’s hectic. I just don’t know how he does it.’

Then this is where it got interesting. One of the boys said, ‘I’ll tell you how I do it.’

The ‘he’ the woman was referring to was one of the kids!

The boy continued, ‘When a thought comes, I just let it go. Like a cloud. I watch them and don’t grab onto them. Then they just disappear.’ He then went back to his colouring.

Amazing!

It turns out that these boys were being taught mindfulness and meditation at school.

That’s fantastic.

Every school should include mindfulness and meditation as part of the national curriculum.

As the Dalai Lama said, ‘If every eight year old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation.’

It sounds far-fetched, but imagine if it’s true!

I know some schools have already introduced such methods in their daily routines. Like sitting in silence, eyes closed, for a few minutes before class starts. Or doing a few minutes at the end of the day.

I’ve just read this interesting article from last year. It was published in The Guardian and was written by Andrew Jones who is the head of religious studies and sociology at a Goffs School in Hertfordshire.

http://www.theguardian.com/teacher-network/teacher-blog/2013/jun/10/meditation-mindfulness-schools-stress-calming-classrooms

Oh look, more clouds.

Instructions for Life

With it being the last day of 2012, I think what I'm about to share with you is rather appropriate. It's something to take into the new year with you. Kind of like a Baz Luhrmann ending to the year.

It's a set of instructions written by the Dalai Lama and was given to me as a Christmas gift by my younger sister.

The instructions consist of nineteen points.

Here goes:

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs:

Respect for self

Respect for others and

Responsibility for all your actions

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you've realised you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.  

 

See you in 2013.
 
: )

www.gavinwhyte.co.uk