300 Words a Day - #31: Be Honest with Yourself

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I’m aware I’m repeating myself here, but it was only when my dream came true did I realize I no longer wanted it.

Nobody could’ve changed my mind when I was on my quest. 

Getting a recording contract was my mission.

If somebody had’ve said, “What if you don’t actually want it?” I sincerely wouldn’t have been able to compute what they were saying.

The thought of not wanting it didn’t enter the equation. 

Why would it?

The thought of failing entered my mind loads of times, but that was through fear.

A thought that doubted why I wanted the dream to become a reality would’ve doubted everything I lived for, would’ve doubted the complete identity I had conjured up.

Talk about fear!

No, I never doubted my goal because I enjoyed making music too much.

So when the dream came true and we started gigging around the UK, and I found myself slipping further and further into a dark place, I knew something wasn’t right.

That question I had never asked needed to be asked.

One day, whilst sitting in my car, I asked myself, “What would it feel like, right now, if I stopped making music?”

I shut my eyes and pretended for about ten seconds how that would feel. 

It was as if an elephant had been lifted off of my chest and shoulders.

I took a deep breath and laughed. 

How light I felt!

I couldn’t believe it.

For nine years I had been allowing that elephant to grow, and when you’re feeding something every day, just like in Roald Dahl’s Esio Trot, you don’t see (or in my case, feel) the difference. 

Such a deep pit I had dug for myself.

Now I had to climb out, but nobody was willing to lend a ladder.

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300 Words a Day - #26: Allow Your Dream to Leave the Nest

When we find the courage, the motivation and the inspiration to go for something, we need to protect these attributes from outer and inner influences.

It’s so easy to let them slip through our fingers, and when that happens there’s a danger of us turning our backs on our dreams and aspirations for good. 

When I was a postman, I delivered to a lady who knew I had just published my first book, due to an article that appeared in the local newspaper. 

She confessed to me she had written a book of her own. A novel. 

I was surprised. By this time I knew her pretty well, as I did most of my customers, and never once had she told me she was writing a book.

“Have you tried to get it published?” I asked.

She shook her head, almost with a childlike innocence.

“I daren’t,” she said. “It’s finished, but it’s just in the drawer, next to my bed.”

This whole wanting to keep our creative expression to ourself was new to me. When I was making music, I would send off demo CD after demo CD, hoping that a record label, one day, would bite the bait. 

“What worries you the most?” I asked her.

“Them not liking it. And if they tell me it’s a load of rubbish then… well… it’s just safer in my drawer.” She laughed uncomfortably.

By them she meant literary agents. 

I admit, it can be daunting sending off a manuscript.

Our piece of work, whatever it may be, is like our baby. We want to protect it.

But like an overprotective parent we can end up not allowing our children to experience the world, to have a life of their own.

Send them on their way with a smile and wave.

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300 Words a Day - #25: Don't Ever Be Discouraged

For as long as I can remember I shared with the world my desire to be a recording artist.

Was it scary?

At times, yes.

Did I get ridiculed?

You bet I did! 

I still do!

You think I don’t get laughed at, scoffed at, for writing this blog?

You don’t think people who know me, secretly (sometimes not so secretly) laugh at my attempts to be a writer?

You didn’t think when I showed people my music, back when I was a teenager, that everybody supported me, did you?

I was laughed at from day one - even by my closest friends.

Even teachers said I was wasting my time.

Did I continue to share my dream with anybody who was willing to listen?

Too right I did, because it was too important.

And guess what I noticed… most of those who didn’t support me were the ones who didn’t have a dream of their own to go for.

Interesting, right?

Share your dream.

You’ve got nothing to be afraid of. 

If you have something to go for you have to be willing to take hits for it - and you will get hit.

It just proves you’re in the ring, fighting for what you believe in.

Kudos to you. 

You’re gaining strength.

To quote Happiness & Honey, “A dream has the power to put the fear of God in an idle heart.”

When you share with the world your dreams, you remind the non-dreamers of what they’re afraid of. But by bravely stepping forward and saying, “Think what you like, I’m doing this,” you light a torch and attract to you people and circumstances that will help you move forward.

Don’t ever be discouraged by the words or actions of those who don’t have the courage to live a dream.

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